My college friends are going to Hershey park without me. Hershey park. If you don't know what that is it's one of the biggest amusement parks in the state of Pennsylvania You know what, I could stand for being dissed cause I'm not going to their college anymore, but I just wish people would just be up front and say they don't like me instead of leaving me with these false hopes that we're actually friends. And I'm not a pathetic person, it's not like a was tag-a-long for a whole year, but I always feel like I'm just there, not really important and not really a nuisance to anyone. Wow, I didn't know that nuisance was spelled with one s. Anyway, I gotten a whiff of this on Wed. when one of my friends said they were planning "something" for Saturday. I already got the drift, 'Okay, they don't want me to come.' And then when I ask my friend Charlotte if Saturday would be a good time to cut her hair for beauty school credits (she doesn't run with exactly the same crew I do, therefore I didn't think she would be going) she replies, "No, I'm going to Hershey with ppls Sat." Thus, I can without reasonable doubt conclude that everyone, including Charlotte, who wasn't even really part of the crew I ran with back at Millersville, is going to Hershey park to have abso-fucking-lutely beautiful time. And it's not even that, it's not that I care so much about going to an amusement park I've been to about 12 times before, it's that they didn't invite me. The person they said they cared so much about and sent messages all summer and "couldn't wait to see." It's that I was so swept off my feet with the idea of finally belonging with someone. It feels stupid now, but I always got this funny feeling inside every time I would come out of class or the bathroom and they would be waiting for me. Everyone probably thinks I'm being so over-dramatic, but the thing is I've never had that before, and you know, it hurts now that I don't anymore. I'm not around and it's like I'm out of sight, out of mind. Really? You know, I didn't want to let them go. I had little hopes of getting old with them, growing closer with time, and moving on with our lives, but never really letting go. And to know that they probably will do that. It's really not that horrid, it hurts, but it's definitely not the end of the world. I'm just so frustrated and I guess the fact that I am is just making me even more upset. Ugh.

I feel the need to let you all know I'm doing alright, the whole getting kicked out scare is over and I'm in hairstyling school so I'll be going to college next year probably. God, that was a close one for real. My whole family is all pissed at me, they think I'm just giving up and settling for being a lowly hairdresser the rest of my life. See why I can't stand most of them?

Wow, my life is in the shitter right now. I failed another college class and I might get kicked out. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel the need to put that out there. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Hi. I broke my computer, what a way to kick off the new year right? Anyway, I didn't fail my college classes, I'm going back next semester! Yay! Now that I got the scare of my life I'll be sure to do well next semester, honestly. Phew.

So I think I failed two of my college classes. I'm feeling pretty bummed right now. The bl story I'm working on is making me feel better but I'm just not sure what's going to happen to me as far as my scholarship money goes. I have to keep a 3.0 GPA and I so don't have that right now. Hopefully, they only tally it at the end of the year and I'll have another semester to catch up. I just don't know what's going to happen if I have to take classes over again. Yeah, I'm posting this here since I kind of haven't posted anything on the other account. omg, I'm such a loser! I can't even finish a frigging story! Yesterday I was crossing the street and a car was coming and I was seriously hoping it would hit me, then I wouldn't have to be so pathetic anymore. No, I didn't write that to have a pity party, I always get a little suicidal around finals week, nothing new. Everything else about college is great But that's why I really don't want to leave.